New Year’s always freaks me out a bit. I love tiaras and glitter, but I don’t like thinking about all of the ways I could be better.
So this year, I came up with ways that The Dog could be better.
I made a bunch of resolutions for him, and we sat down to talk about them.
“Hey, G. You know we love you so much, and we wouldn’t trade you for anything.
But we wanted to see if we could work with you to make a
couple a lot of changes in the new year.
For starters, could you stop hogging the couch? And the pillows? And the blankets?
Oh, and the beach chairs. And…the ottoman.
Could you stop being so licky? I mean, you are sooooo licky that we have to keep our furniture upside down (see above picture), so you can’t soak it with your slobbery tongue. Less licky. Less licky. Think about it.
And then, could you not treat everything like a bone, including my makeup brushes, by hiding them in the garden?
Could you stop eating the eyes off of all your toys? It’s creepy.
I know the trainer taught you to trade things for cookies, but this is ridiculous. Stop eating string, paper, sand so that you can trade it for a cookie. (I think we had a bad trainer.)
When I talk to you about what you’ve done, I would appreciate it if you don’t give me attitude.
Dude. Please stop eating the toilet paper.
And… this is a sensitive subject, but we need to work on you losing a few LB’s. Just a couple.
He sat silently for a few minutes, and then he said, ‘Can you stop doing this stuff to me?
You do that, and I’ll think about it. Maybe.
Or maybe not.’
Happy New Year, everybody!