Eight Ways College Will Be Better As An Adult

1. I won’t be wearing oversized flannel shirts. images

Or overalls. Or mock turtlenecks. Or turtleneck body suits.

2. I won’t be distracted by cute boys because that would be all cougar-adulteress-like.

3. I won’t have to run across campus in the middle of the night to slip my paper under my professor’s door by 11:59. Email, people. It’s incredible.

4. No more microfiche! images

Look at these internets! Fascinating.

5. No more tapestries! images

Not on my wall, and not turned into an impromptu toga.

6. No mix tapes of Cat Stevens. Because there are no mix tapes, and there is no Cat Stevens. He’s Yusuf Islam now. Although, come to think of it, Yusuf singing Oh Very Young might be part of a nice little songs to make-me-cry playlist.


7. This time, I have my own car. It’s an SUV covered in fur, cracker crumbs, and melted crayons, but it works.

8. I will not be pledging a fraternity. You got that right. The first time around I joined a fraternity. Not sorority. Enough said. No more fraternities unless I’m going to be some sort of den mother.

Any other ideas?

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